Judgment day.

When you worry about what other people think, every day is judgment day. I sometimes catch myself consumed with what people think of me. It's a dangerous cycle...because to a certain extent caring what others think of the things you do and say is a good way to make sure you are coming off the way you want to and are being a considerate person, a loving friend...but it can be easy to do this too much... and it rapidly becomes a maladaptive trait that has you striving to constantly to please everyone. Nursing has taught me more effectively than any other endeavor: you just can't please everyone, and your really shouldn't take everything personally because not everything is actually directed at you personally.

There are two kinds of people in this world: the kinds who replay encounters over and over in their head wondering if they could have expressed themselves better, and the ones who don't. I suppose we are at times (and with different people) both, but I really think we favor one or the other. I imagine that those who replay scenarios in their head also act them out ahead of time....or maybe that's just me.

The people who get on my nerves are the ones who aren't considerate. It's one thing to be a mean person or a bad egg, but those aren't the people I'm talking about. They aren't actively inconsiderate (and I do believe there is a difference), but they really just don't consider and don't realize things when it comes to others (as opposed to someone who thoughtlessly hurts someone repeatedly because they just don't care about others -- insidiously inconsiderate). They run late - not because they mean to be rude just because they had other things that were their priority when it came the time they needed to leave to make it on time. They don't think about how if you are coming to visit and they told you that you could park in their driveway to avoid a ticket that they will need to move their cars further in before you come. They do their own thing and seldom anticipate how the things they do might be perceived by others. They are reactive - once they see people being bothered they will usually adjust, but never proactively. It never occurs to them. If you bring up something they did that bothered you they just didn't realize that you felt that way. They aren't selfish people per se, but they do their own thing first.

I sometimes wish I could be like that and I wonder if that is why they get under my skin so much... but at the end of the day I'd like to be bothered by being overly considerate than be thought of as inconsiderate.