Good Friday

Good Friday always confused me as a kid ("Why do we call it Good Friday if Jesus died?"), but most things in church went over my head. For someone who has a hard time sitting in class without taking notes (even when it's material we don't need to know...), I never paid all that much attention in church... or maybe I did and it didn't stick. I'm not particularly proud of this, but my remediation of Christianity has given me some direction on my journey to finding religion again.

So today it is once again Good Friday. I haven't thought much about Good Friday in the recent past because we never had it off in college so all of the sudden I'd realize it was Easter. Not that I'm saying it should be necessary to have the day off to appreciate it, but we tended to miss holidays where we had to attend class and forget to observe them. Last year I didn't pause as much as I would have liked to consider the meaning of these days in the eyes of faith. This year I'm poised to reflect, and my "major paper" will certainly give me the motivation to be doing anything but work on it.

What I like so much about the Christian story is that we can always draw parallels to our own life and our own suffering. That's the point, right? It is supposed to bring us closer to God because He's suffered like we have. I like to infer from this story that He doesn't "call" people to heaven to be with him, but mourns their death like we do (wouldn't it be silly if he gave Jesus life only to call him back in such a heinous way?)... I realize that's just one view, but it's the spin I like the best. That's another thing I like about catching on to religion a little later, people don't need to know I'm absolutely catering religion to what works for me. I like the idea of Saints because if I'm going to pray, I don't always want to talk to God (how Catholic...). I believe in miracles. I like some of the tenants of Buddhism and Judaism. My roots are and always will be firmly rooted in the Episcopal tradition, but I think it's really taken 24 years to really, truly, actually believe in any of it and I don't want to confine my beliefs in any sort of structure.

I've digressed... In this group of Christian landmarks, (Mardi Gras, Lent, Palm Sunday, Holy Week, the Last Supper, Good Friday and Easter Sunday) I identify most with tomorrow I think, the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter. The awful in-between time, the time when you've lost someone or something horrible and life changing happens and life goes on in an eery silent sort of way, like in a movie when the loud music ends and your ears ring as you struggle to find out, "what now?". Everything is the same, but it feels different. You sit, suffer, and wait for life's next move. The next move in this case of Easter is pretty astounding, and in terms of time elapsed is pretty close to immediate gratification.

At the end of this story we get what all people have been seeking for thousands of years: Proof. Proof that God exists. Proof He's watching, proof of His love, and proof that it's not all for naught and that there is a reason to believe. Funny that within all of the ideas of faith alone being rewarded, God in His infinite wisdom knew that what we wanted most was proof, and now that it's been almost two thousand years since He gave it to us, we're still looking for it.

I know that for most regular church go-ers this is the same sort of thing they've been hearing every Easter for their entire lives because these aren't new and unique revelations, but they kind of are for me. I zoned out until I was ready to hear it I guess, but I'm ready now and it makes them special because I feel like I've connected my own dots. I have faith.